Our Fundamental Premises

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.  I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.  I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children.  I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.  I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.  I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

— Marjorie Pay Hinckley

And for anyone interested, there was a wonderful speech given by Dallin H. Oaks, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to the Harvard Law School a couple of months ago, entitled Fundamental Premises of Our Faith.  I always enjoy Elder Oaks and how he organizes his thoughts.  So for those of you who may feel this way,
"Oh Mormons, Mormons, Mormons,
We haven’t got a clue
Of what you folks believe in,
Or think or drink or do.” (compliments of Conan O'Brien)
...wonder no more.  He explains the fundamental beliefs of our church, where we came from, where we stand.  Excellent read, highly recommended.

Personality Profiling

Just for fun, I conducted a little study during breakfast the other day.  The object was to categorize my kids' personalities (after all, they're too young to answer the questions on the real test properly) by asking them which was their favorite Winnie the Pooh character and why.  Here's how it went:

Clara:  "Oh, Kanga is easily my favorite.  She's so nice and she has a beautiful voice.  She's the best one."

Me:  "What about you, Will?"

William:  "Well, I think...hmmm..."

Isaac:  "I know who mine is: Tigger! 

Me:  "Why is that, Isaac?"

Isaac, in his perfect Tigger voice:  "'It was just a joke!'  Remember that, Mom, when he bounces on Rabbit and knocks him over and then when Rabbit gets mad Tigger says, 'It was just a joke!'?  That was so funny!"  [Knocks Will on the head and says in his Tigger voice that it was just a joke.  Will screeches and glares at Isaac...]

Will, visibly irritated:  "Rabbit is my favorite because he doesn't like Tigger.  He likes to do things right!"

Me:  "What about you, Jake?  Which one is your favorite?"

Jacob, thoughtfully:  "I like Owl.  He's really smart and wise and he's kind of like the leader of the 100 Acre Wood.  He sort of peers at everybody and notices things."
Me:  "Hmmm, that's pretty interesting, Jake."

Jacob:  "Why?  You're not putting this on your blog, are you?  Oh Mom, please don't make it sound like I love watching Winnie the Pooh.  I mean, it's funny and all, but let's face it, [whispering] it's kind of a little kid show."

Later during a call in to the office:

Me:  "Who's your favorite Winnie the Pooh character, Mikey?"

Michael:  "Eeyore."

Me:  "Why?"

Michael:  "Why are you asking me these questions?"

Me:  "I'm just taking a poll.  Is Eeyore really your favorite, and why?"

Michael:  "Yes, he really is because he has the deepest voice."

Me:  "Deepest voice?  Really?"

Michael:  "I don't know why I like him, and I don't have time to talk about it anymore.  See you at lunch."

Save Some Mony For the Old and Pore

What do you do when you discover that your daughter has been out on the corner with a giant homemade sign that says "Save some mony for the old and pore" (pictures of sad people included) and an upturned hat, wearing the dingiest clothes she can find?  Thank goodness we don't get too much traffic in this little neighborhood, mostly people walking their dogs who know Clara by name.  She did manage to grub up a few coins.  To my relief she later confided conspiratorially that they were her own, that she had employed the trick-or-treating tactic of leaving a few candies at the bottom of the pillowcase "so people can see that you've been trying and just haven't had much luck.  You know, then they feel sorry for you and stuff."  What do you do?

I'll be posting pictures of the demolition derby going on at our place soon.  Since buying this house we've been scrupulously saving up to add a master bathroom (one tub for 8 people gets a little tight on Sunday mornings).  We finally began....

Living Room

Though our goal with this 1940s sweetheart is to "restore" rather than "remodel," we are dramatically departing from the monochromatic theme that has prevailed. Here are before's and after's of the living room thus far.

Before, in her original vanilla glory.  And yes, old friends, that is the same couch we had in Utah, Iowa, Texas, and back to Oregon.  She came back to be buried with her loved ones.  But until that day...long live the couch!!

The process, included a good washing of everything, (several tries of) blue paint, crown and shoe moulding, installing and painting new built-ins to house books and to make TV disappear, hanging and painting french doors, pulling up carpet, laying down the new stuff, etc.  Mikey Baby and I enjoyed lots of date nights painting and fitting mouldings.  And I relished several late nights painting in solitude, listening to general conference reruns.  That sort of quiet is balm for the soul.  This whole project took a while given the time we have to devote to these types of projects, but it was worth it. 

And afterward...

Things aren't quite done, a few more battles yet, but the war is mostly won.

Persistence

As any casual reader of this blog has noted by now that we have a boy in our family who is thoroughly obsessed with lizards, especially chameleons.  During church last Sunday I drew a simple picture of a Jackson chameleon for William to color.  He was really impressed and praised my drawing skills (what a rewarding boy he is sometimes!).  When we came home he promptly taped it to his door.  Then he tried to draw one.  Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth is the best way to describe Will's frustration, and he claimed he was an idiot (refer to the quote above).  I explained that the way people get good at things is by practicing a lot and not giving up even when they feel like screaming.  With a hopeful giggle through tears he said he would give it a try.  He took a pad of paper and a pen to a quiet corner and began drawing. 

Most of them he wadded up and dramatically threw in the garbage.  He made it through about 40 post-its.

Monday he finished the pad and started on another.  He taped some of his favorites to the cupboard so he could "compare them."

By Tuesday he had gone through most of the second pad and was starting to be pleased with his improvement.  It is now Wednesday, and he has drawn about 150 chameleons.  More comparisons taped to his bedroom door.

If it is true that persistence increases our capacities ("not that the nature of the thing has changed"), then William is on his way to greatness...

Losin' Teef

William:  "Let me see, Meg.  Oh you look so beautiful like that!"

Jacob: "Clara's new smile is so great, that huge space with the little drip of flesh in the middle."

I, for one, am a little sad to see that signature gap vanish, to be replaced with gigantic grown-up teeth.  The days go by too quickly with this girl...

Your Movie Library Is Not Complete

Just some recommendations from the akmallen vaults:

When I was growing up one of my very favorite movies has become one of my kids' favorites.  What is this magical production, you ask?

To watch the preview of this 1974 classic go HERE.  No home library is complete without it.

And for you adults out there, a movie your kids will hate, but you will love...

For the preview, go HERE.  It is a refreshing polar opposite from the likes of James Bond--rather than killing, it's about living.  Instead of merely ending a broken relationship, it's about repairing and repenting.  A wonderful story.

The Goop

I had taught the kids a poem for Family Home Evening a few months ago (which we recite occasionally when a manners offense has been committed).  The other day I was headed downstairs, and as I neared the kitchen I heard a wee voice chanting it:

"The Goops, they lick their fingers.
The Goops, they lick their knives.
They spill their broth on the table cloth,
Oh, they lead disgusting lives.

The Goops, they talk while eating,
And loud and fast they chew.
And that is why I'm glad that I
Am not a Goop, are you?"

I felt a small swell of pride as I rounded the corner, my little one applying the lesson he had learned so well... until I spotted the singing kitchen gnome.

Face buried deep in the yogurt container, raspberry glop everywhere, suspicious puddle under his chair, bulging little belly, which I like to rub like a lucky rabbit's foot, and a smile to melt his momma's heart, all while singing about the Goops.

Chef Mikey Robideaux Does It Again!

Today, Chef Mikey Robideaux delights us with a traditional Arabian appetizer:  Hummus.  Now, some of you may be thinking, I hate garbanzos!  My momma use to force feed them to me in salad!  or other such nonsense.  But Chef Mikey will save poor chickpea's reputation with this delicious recipe, guaranteed to delight grandchild and grandparent, friend and foe (though nary a foe will come around again if you add strychnine to their batch!).  "Keep in mind, this in not like traditional Indian hummus, which has a sweet quality about it.  If you prefer that flavor simply double the amount of chickpeas.  I've also found that my lady gets weak in the knees when I call her my little chickpea (especially 'cause I'm from the south).  Works WAY better than calling her a garbanzo."

Hummus

1 can garbanzo beans
1/3 c juice drained off the chickies

1/4 c lemon juice

3-4 T tahini, to taste (now this is sesame seed butter found in the peanut butter aisle at your local grocery store.  It's rather like fish sauce: don't try it by itself, but no authentic recipe is right without it!)

1/2 t salt

1 1/2 t cumin

1 clove minced garlic (you can be increase this if you're like Larry King and enjoy a little garlique)

3 hefty dashes cayenne pepper, to taste

Put all ingredients into a mean blender and blend to desired consistency.  I recommend you garnish this healthy treat with some paprika splinkled liberally on top.  Also good with finely chopped tomatoes or sun dried tomatoes, olives or olive oil, fresh parsley, a little feta or sesame seeds on top, etc.  Use the Palestinian part of your imagination!  Enjoy, with Chef Mikey Robideaux's compliments.

Ode to Elk

Titus, O Titus!

First friend and then foe,

Tell us the truth now,

Deep down did you know?

That when you went psycho

Your fate you would seal—

And shortly you’d feel

The edge of cold steel?

Titus, O Titus,

How sad was your lot!

Titus, O Titus:

The Elk who was not.

Then we have Snowball

Who crowed far too much.

His Little Man’s Syndrome

Got him out of touch.

Before you could see

Two flicks of her wand,

Mom turned him to Elk,

No chance to abscond!

Snowball, O Snowball

Prince of the Unthought!

Snowball, O Snowball:

The Elk who was not.

Posthumously teach us

The lessons you learned

In order to keep from

Our lives being adjourned.

Phoenix, be weary,

And Henwyn alert!

Spooky, you watch it,

And Sphynx, don’t be pert—

For one thing is certain,

And this is that:

If Mom calls you “Elk”

You had better scat!

Or before you know it

You’ll roast in the pot,

Your epitaph reading:

“The Elk who was not."

Chickie Cakes

"Hey kiddos, what are you doing out there with all that flour?"

"Oh, we're making the chickens a treat."

"What kind of treat is it?"

"Oh, it's going to be a chicken cake, with bugs and weeds and flour, and just stuff like that."

"You realize that's about 10 pounds of flour don't you?"

"Yeah.  It's a lot.  We have a lot of chickens though, and they each get their own."

"You're very thoughtful.  Now clean it ALL up, please."

(Famous last words...)

Our little Kitchen Gnome popped his head in the window for a dinner preview.

Since sweeping proved a dismal failure, they tried hosing off the mess, which, as we all know, turned it into a porch full of gluey gooey.  I gave them each a scrub brush and by the time they were finished it was way past dark.

Then they were sent to the tub.

"How did your cake turn out?"

Clara:  "Pretty well.  I'd eat it..."

Demolition-derby, banana monster and more

At about this time each year the frosted leaves, and chill wind give way to chirping birds, flowering trees, and a change in the air that stirs the inner emotion in all of us; a regeneration of buried passion, an awakening of hibernated spirit. 

One appropriately scheduled event epitomizes this renewal of visceral and instinctual drive, transcending generations of testosterone-reinforced father and son teams:  The Pinewood Derby.
After our first year, the rules changed.  Perhaps, too many couldn't handle not being the fastest.  Perhaps the annual Douglas County demolition derby inspired a different form of competition.  No matter.  Nunc pro tunc. Auxilo ab alto. Vini Vidi Vici. Nil Opus Captivis,  et cetera.  In other words, Game on.

Along with speed, it's last car rolling.  Isaac's first experience in the trenches, his brilliant idea parallels his personality nicely.  An unassuming model, easily overlooked and underestimated.  What you don't see coming at you at peak velocity is a completely hogged out center filled with...concrete.  Again, his idea.  This car was fast, won several of the speed races, and held up well under the blows of other instruments of destruction like those of his older brother:

Jacob decided to come out swinging with a two-headed monster: weight and intimidation.  "The Bulldozer" model mirrors his type A personality (not sure where he gets that).  It became the undisputed crowd pleaser at the end of the show as cars helplessly piled up in the middle of the track needed repeated clearing (bowling would be a good visual here).

Jacob's last year's model was the Pencil of Death, depicted center above.  Full of lead, mometum focused to a dangerous point, it did plenty of damage then, and again this year.  Still the Bulldozer outdid the Pencil of Death this year in wake o' destruction.

Objective achieved: boys had fun, dad was proud, cave-man grunting and competitive wooping itches were scratched.  

Speaking of hibernating bears, here's Audrey.  I don't pretend to understand all of the connotations and overusages of the word 'cute', and for that reason I rarely use it, but...  

She was fussing one night with the typical surround-sound hysteria and Anna asked if I would feed her.  

"Sure."

What I didn't realize is that this little bear could and would chew through the peel to get to the sweet inner goo.  (For some reason Anna asks for my help in this area a little less now).  Bummer.

Had to throw in a few recent pictures of other little chaos masters: King James is singing "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows" here.  His favorite song.  Anna was teaching a little lesson on Archimedes to the boys and mentioned sunshine (in regard to his heat ray technique of setting enemy ships on fire--history/math), and what to her surprise, little James burst into song, "Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everything..."  Good comedy for all.

Kaiser Wilhelm demonstrating his unmatched charm.

One more of Clara.  It almost feels like an achievement to me each time one of these little gems is lost as it should be: without decay, abscess or trauma. 

For some reason the more tissue paper, the better when it comes to stopping the pinpoint drip of blood.

The beginning of a passage from childhood to maturity.  Heaven help us.

Torture

I hurt my ankle playing soccer yesterday and since I can't walk I'm in bed with a bag of frozen peas whilst the family is at church.  Just before leaving my sweet dotto accidentally spilled some of her precious perfume on my hands and pj's.  I'm dying!  The ankle just hurts, the perfume is slowly killing me. 

She got it from a neighbor's yard sale--three little bottles, 1 penny each.  At first I thought the neighbor was being nice to Clara by selling them to her at such an affordable price, but now I think she's a member of the mafia.  As Michael walked out the door he caught a whiff and instantly became sturn and whispered, "While we're gone you've GOT to get rid of those things!" 

This may be my last post.  If my husband comes home and finds me dead, you, Gentle Readers, will know what happened.  Don't bother with an autopsy, just dip my remains in paraffin and send them on to the Body Exhibit at the Luxor Casino, where they can show what a sprained left ankle looks like.  At my funeral I want my father to.................

What Happens in Las Vegas...

...gets posted on the old blog. So, LennyJynn had a wedding to go to, and that was that.  We all had to fly with her to keep her company.  Set the course, Lenny!

And when there weren't nuptials to celebrate, we...

...went to shows.  This one was at the Tournament of the Kings dinner show at the Excalibur.  Easily the best part of this show was sitting next to JennyLynn and hearing her roar Hazah! the whole time.  The Dragon Knight here was making eyes at our Keri (far left).  Sorry, Adam, but it's true.  We didn't care a fig for him, but his Friesian was gorgeous.  Hazah!!

We also were able to get tickets to the Cirque Du Soleil "O", sale price compliments of Carrie Norris.  It was AWESOME.  I was sincerely impressed.  Next we went on the New York New York roller coaster...of course, directly after dinner.  

I don't remember the last time I screamed like that, with hysterical laughing in between.  Ooo, it was fun, and Shawna the only one brave enough to not hold on for dear life.

Our lucky break came when we were waiting in line and Fernando had to stamp us.  When I held out my hand he lamented that nobody ever let him stamp their foreheads, and it had been his goal since working there years before.  "Vegas, where all your dreams come true," I said and lifted my bangs.  He was delighted as he stamped all our foreheads, and just for that, he gave us a free second ride!  

Completely worth it!  We saw the "Body" museum exhibit also.  Very interesting especially for the massage therapists and biology teacher in the group.  No pictures were allowed but that's okay--just dip your hand in paraffin a few times and hold very still to get the effect. 

Carrie N. joined us for the next evening.  Thanks, Dan, for covering with the girlies!  During the delectable meal, we displayed our best table manners. 

After dinner we perused the beautiful Venetian, which was quite a treat, partly because we were without kids and curfew, partly for the joy of being with great friends, partly the incredible surroundings.  Why did everybody there have accents?

Jennifer, singin' in the rain.

Keri, trying on Dutch bras.  (In case you can't tell, those things are all carved out of wood.)

A fun bit was when we stopped to listen to an impressive trio (violin/classical guitar/flute) in the square.  My toe was a'tappin and I was feeling the urge to dance.  I even happened to be wearing a twirly skirt!  Then I spotted a bench being warmed by three sweet old fellas and I couldn't resist.  I gave Keri my jacket and purse and went over and told the cutest one that this music was way too good to not be danced to.  Would he join me?  When I ditched my things, Carrie, who knows me way too well said, "When she does something like that it usually means you should pull out your camera."  Glad she did, it was one of my favorite moments.  (Here she posted the short video on her blog.)

At the end of our dance someone called out, "Play a waltz!"  So they did, and after that a tango.  By two songs later the whole floor was packed with dancers and a huge applauding crowd.  The definition of fun!

Carrie and me having a romatic walk over the canal.

Who invited Maxine?  These were some stylish Banana Republic shades Carrie purchased (after finegalling a 50% coupon out of the bored sap behind the counter).

Las Vegas Lassies about to head out for a night on the town, after a leisurely morning of sleeping in, swimming, all-you-can-eat guacamole and pedicures--compliments of lovely Shawna.  (Why am I so annoying?)

From left to right:  Jennifer Hot Lips, JennyLynn Bouffantress (the instigator and enabler of this whole shindig), Shawna the Silver Siren, Keri Kat Woman, and Mahana the Ugly who came down from tree.

And what's a trip to LV without the tourist stop at the sign? 

Thanks to the nice guy who had a real flash on his camera and actually emailed the photos!

Some day "WE COME [back] TO Fabulous LAS VEGAS!"

The only remotely perturbing incident was at the airport on the way home when a short grouchy Aunt Jemima type cornered me and said, "Uh, ma'am, do you got anathang shahrp or haza'dous in yo bag?"

"Nope."

"Well, I gonna check it."

"Okay."

Then she went straight to the left side pocket and pulled out one of Michael's giant hunting knives. I gasped, then began to laugh, then cackled and shrieked and started pulling out my hair and doing jumping jacks. Then they confiscated the knife. Just kidding. They let me mail it home to my dear husband, who claims he didn't remember that it was in there. It was a little embarrassing.

I was greeted at home by a clean happy house, a hungry baby ready to nurse (pumping is for the birds, I tell ya!), a welcome home note and vase of flowers from sweet Isaac waiting for me on the bed.

To all our husbands:  You boys are the best to take off work to keep the kiddos so that we could take off life for the weekend!  Especially Michael, who is a more competent mother of six than I am!  And my thanks to you beautiful ladies for making this such a wonderful trip. 

Silver and gold you are, lassies.  Silver and gold!