Apache Adoption Agency: March 2015

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Garbage

"Hey William, I need to you to gather and take out all the garbage for me." Two shakes later I'm about to call him again when he appears saying he's ready.

A week later...
"Hey Audrey, I need you to grab this garbage for me and take it out." Two shakes later, I'm about to call her again when I turn around and involuntarily scream. She says she's ready.

And I'm left wondering: Is there something wrong with our garbage or our children?

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Quote of the Day, part X

Quote of the Day, part XII

(As related to me by the former Primary president, the Bishopric 1st counselor, the executive secretary, and a few others as they sat with the kids waiting for me to come out of a meeting with the Bishop)

PP: "William, what's your middle name?"
William: "I don't know."
PP: "Well, what does your mother call you when you're in trouble?"
William: "I don't know. Dumb. Sometimes Brat."

Disclaimer: This information, while quoted verbatim, is false. (Though I did commend Will for his attempts at getting me released from my current calling.)

Quote of the Day, part XIII

Jacob, describing what happened when he fell into
Grandma's pond in his church clothes:
"Just before I jumped I saw the sparkling on the rock that was ice. Then all of the sudden panic just took me by the hair and I was cold. Then I realized: I had fallen into the water." Laughs.

William: "So, what do you think of my bottom?"
Auntie Miriam: "Well, I think it's pretty cute. What do you think of it?"
William: "Yeah, I guess it is cute. But mostly it's just good. It's a pretty good bottom. I guess I really like it.
I guess I really like it. And it's cute, too."

Clara (to Isaac, in an effort to retaliate for some slander):
"I'm so happy we have so many girls in our family."
Isaac: "We don't though."
Clara, with a smile: "Oh yes we do. There's grandma, and me, and mom,
and the baby in mom's stomach, and you!"

Quotes of the Day, part XIX

William: "Your baby is loud."
Auntie Liz: "Yep, she's pretty noisy."
Will: "No. She's not pretty."

Will: "Mom, I was dry last night. Does that mean I get three candies?"
Me: "Sure does."
Will: "Lizard was dry too, so he'll be needing three candies also."

Will: "James, you can't give Lizard a high-five. He's allergic to babies."

Me: "William, you're such a cute little bug!"
Will: "No I'm not. I'm a cute chameleon lizard. Jimmy's a bug 'cause he bugs me."

After a long week of ill health, I moaned to Michael that I was going to die.
Michael: "I'd resuscitate you but you haven't brushed your teeth in three days. Sorry."

Quotes of the Day, part XXII

Discussion in the back seat:
Clara: "...Well, when I turn 18 I'm going to change my name anyway,
so I'm just deciding what I want it to be."
Isaac: "Why will you have to change your name?"
Clara: "Because that's what girls do when they turn 18. Mom's used to be Anna Mikkelsen.
Mine's going to be Sassafras. Sassy for short."
Me: "I wasn't 18 though. And what about Auntie Lizzie?
She was almost 24 when she changed her name."
Clara, conclusively: "Well, she just didn't know any better."

William, with gumption addressing the general public:
"Everybody! Just so you know, my room is completely off lemons!"

Quotes of the Day, part XXIV

Clara, mid-discussion with her friend in the back seat: "I'm going to ask Santa for a pony. I'm sure he'll give me one. I was going to ask my folks, but I don't think they can afford one because whenever I ask my mom about it she always says that she wants one too, but we need to be patient."
Friend: "Where are you going to put it?"
Clara: "Oh, it's all planned. It's going in our garage. I'm moving out all the stuff.
Then I'm going to use the straw for the chicken coop on the floor.
It'll be warm too because our clothes dryer blows air into the garage."
Friend: "Where will you ride?"
Clara: "Oh, you know, all over the place."

Me: "William, what would you like to do this morning?"
Will: "I would like to have an adlizard."
Me: "A what?"
Will: "An adlizard. You know, Mom, it's like an adventure only with lizards."

Quotes of the Day, part XXV

Isaac, when asked how he likes school now that we've made some adjustments: "I love it. I'm an independent man now."

Willliam, referring to himself and James when Clara was served first for lunch: "What? But what about the men?"

Michael, to his cat: "Seamus, I remember when you were just a kitten. You've grown up to be quite the man cat."

William, very shaken up from being sent outside to retrieve James for lunch and not being able to find him (he was playing in the car): "Mom, I felt really sad about Jimmy getting lost because I knew that some day I would love him."

Quotes of the Day, part XXIX

To his Uncle Jay, who is half Mandan Indian (much to Isaac's fascination and delight)
during our mini-Mikkelsen reunion:

Isaac, when he found out Jay would be sleeping in tents with them:
"Whoa, do you think he'll let me see the inside of his? I've never been in a teepee before!"
(His disappointment was tangible when he saw the large Coleman on the outside.)

While showing Uncle Jay the large bull snake he caught, "I bet you're really good at catching snakes.
So, what do you do with them? Do you eat them and use their skins for things?"

When he saw Michael teaching Jay how to shoot his hunting bow:
"Um, Uncle Jay, shouldn't you already know how to do that?"

Quote of the Day, part XXXIV

An email I received while abroad:

Jacob: Hey Mom and Dad! How you guys doing? I hope you're having a good time in England! It's been great here. We've been having a good time with the Aunts. We miss you, though. Well, anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEAH!!!!! Well see you later and I love you both!

Isaac: Hiyas, Mum! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! How is it in England? I've got a joke. What did the stoplight say to the car?...........Don't look. I'm changing. So just to sum it all up, Happy Birthday and have a good time in England. Oh yeah, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! From: Isaac

Clara: Hi Mom. I wish you'd come back soon. Tell Dad "hi" for me. By the way, Hi Dad. Come back soon, Mom. I wish you'd make the list 9:30 instead of 7:30 (for bedtime). I love you Mom and Dad. Happy Birthday, Mom. There are a couple of houses for sale in the neighborhood. Lily has this new electric scooter. I sometimes use it to walk Heidi around the park. Bye Mom and Dad. Love your daughter, Clara

William: Happy Birthday, Mom! I hope you get a safe drive home. I really miss you. Things have been going really good. Scarlett was being kind of bossy and so far everything has been good. And Dad, I love you too and miss you too. Love, William.

James: Hi. Happy Birthday, Mom. I have my Lego guy. I really like her, my mom and dad. I want to go with you at the store. I want to love her (speaking of you, Anna).

Quote of the Day, part XXXVI

James: "Mom, I turned out to be a good guy who doesn't steal."

James, on his birthday: "Mom, the birthday boy is done with dinner.
It isn't hungry and it isn't thirsty anymore."

Isaac: "If I had to get a tatoo I wouldn't get one of those dumb dragon ones.
Mine would say, I.A. loves Baby Cakes."

Isaac informatively to William while doing yard work: "Will, don't worry about these ants.
It doesn't really hurt when Oregon ants bite you, unless it's your tongue."
Me: "Your tongue?"
Isaac: "Yeah, I'd know--it happened to me once."
Me: "How did an ant come to bite your tongue?"
Isaac: "I was trying to eat it and it bit my tongue. I don't really blame it though."

Quote of the Day, part XXXVII

Audrey, upon entering any room: "Here I is!"

William, reflectively, after family reading of Jacob 5: "Mom, I think I know why they died."
Me: "Why who died?"
W: "The trees in the vineyard."
Me: "Oh, why?"
W: "Because the master dunged them, and dung has germs in it."

James: "Gaahhh! Mom! Audrey kicked my lip with her shoe and now I have lipstick on!"
(Referring to the redness of his lip, which bothered him infinitely more than the kick.)

Clara, after a screech from Audrey next in the car next to her:
"Oh. Well. That might explain why my ears are ringing!"

Isaac, during breakfast: "Uhhh, Will! I can't eat when you're facing me with that dirty ear!"

Quote of the Day, part XXXVIII

Isaac: "Well, you can go Selko your auto loan, Will" (quoting a local radio ad).
William: "Do you even know what an auto loan is?"
Isaac: "No, but it sounds pretty insulting to me!"

Clara: "Mom, I'd like to buy something at the school book fair."
Isaac: "You really shouldn't, Clara. It's really expensive. I mean, they charge you five bucks for a poster!"
Clara, incredulous: "I don't want to pay five dollars for a dumb poster! I want to buy that big rubber band.
The poster comes with it for free!"

James, frantic: "What to the heck! I can't find my swimming soup!"

Apache Adoption Agency

Quote of the Day, part XLIV

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Garbage

Allen, Inc.

Blog Archive

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Allens, Inc.

Quotes of the Day, part I

Quotes of the day, part II

Quotes of the Day, part III

Quotes of the Day, part IV

Quotes of the Day, part V

Quotes of the Day, part VI

Quotes of the Day, part VII

Quotes of the Day, part VIII

Quote of the Day, part IX

Quote of the Day, part X

Quotes of the Day, part XI

Quote of the Day, part XII

Quote of the Day, part XIII

Quotes of the Day, part XIV

Quotes of the Day, part XV

Quotes of the Day, part XVI

Quotes of the Day, part XVII

Quotes of the Day, part XVIII

Quotes of the Day, part XIX

Quote of the Day, part XX

Quotes of the Day, part XXI

Quotes of the Day, part XXII

Quotes of the Day, part XXIII

Quotes of the Day, part XXIV

Quotes of the Day, part XXV

Quotes of the Day, part XXVI

Quote of the day, part XXVII

Quote of the Day, part XXVIII

Quotes of the Day, part XXIX

Quotes of the Day, part XXX

Quote of the Day, part XXXI

Quote of the Day, part XXXII

Quote of the Day, part XXXIII

Quote of the Day, part XXXIV

Quote of the Day, part XXXV

Quote of the Day, part XXXVI

Quote of the Day, part XXXVII

Quote of the Day, part XXXVIII

Quote of the Day, part XXXIX

Quote of the Day, part XL

Quote of the Day, part XLI

Quote of the Day, part XLII

Quote of the Day, part XLIII

Ominous Quotes of the Day