"You need to evaluate yourselves carefully. Take a careful inventory of your habits, your speech, your appearance, your weight, and your eccentricities, if you have any. Take each item and analyze it. Can you make some sacrifices to be acceptable? You must be the judge.

"Are you too talkative? Too withdrawn? Too quiet? If so, then school your thoughts and your expressions.

"Are you in the wrong location? Could a move to a new location open up a new world to you? "Is your dress. . . too revealing or too extreme? Are you too demanding? Do you have any eccentricities in speech, in tone, in subject matter? Do you laugh too loudly? Are you too demonstrative? Are you selfish? Are you honorable in all things? . . . Do you feel sorry for [yourself?]

"Have you made yourself attractive physically — well-groomed, well-dressed — and attractive mentally — engaging, interesting? Are you well-read? If not, change yourself."

--Spencer W. Kimball, to young adults

(Borrowed from my padre's blog.)

Where the Wild Things Are

The night Audrey wore her wolf suit and made mischief of one kind

and another

her mother called her "WILD THING!"
and Audrey said "I'LL EAT YOU UP!"
so she was sent to bed without eating anything. (But she didn't mind because she knew her mother would get uncomfortable by and by and would have to feed her.)

Valentine's Greetings

It just isn't the holidays without Mikey Baby's annual poem, even if it is a couple months late.
This is the most updated family picture we have, and everybody is looking about like they usually do--except my eyes are not crossed.

We were on our annual sledding outing up in the Umpqua Wilderness out toward Crater Lake. Very fun. Very beautiful.

Hope you all had a wonderful and romantic (or at least chocolate-filled) Valentine's Day!

Bill of Sale

As I sit here composing a bill of sale for our minivan, my mind wanders back to the time we got this old girl. We found her on eBay, and won with a crazy low bid, an obvious answer to our prayers. I was 8 mos. prego with Clara when we went to retrieve her, driving from Iowa City to Denver in the "BLIZZARD 2003!" (which shut down the entire city 45 minutes after we left and splashed through the national news for the next two weeks). These reminiscings led to other memories of our school years, which produced mixed emotions, which made me feel hungry, which made me happy we have snacks in the cupboard that I can fetch for myself, which led me again back to the lean years of school, which eventually brought me to the grateful thoughts that inspired this post.

The greatest blessings we had during those years were our friends. I am grateful to the Lord for providing us with an atmosphere where we could safely learn the difficult lessons that were our privilege to learn, at BYU, in Iowa, and in Texas. I am equally thankful for the long suffering friends that were patient with us (mostly me), and forgiving of our (mostly my) pride and immaturity. (C. T. Warner wrote, "To the immature, other people are not real." I like to knaw on that one.) Not that anybody who knows me now could say with any truthfulness that I've "arrived," but I feel like an old woman sometimes, looking at that little girl and thinking, "Poor clumsy thing. She thinks life is so complicated. She'll make it through okay, though we'll see how many mistakes she makes and how many bridges she'll inadvertently burn getting there. Thank goodness for all the patient angels around her." Yet another proof that God is real, that prayers are always anwered, and that love and forgiveness and faith and hope are steep trails that lead us to the summit so we can at last see where we've been and where we're going.

Aliens In Our Bedroom

I walked in one evening and found this:

I believed it to be the work of an alien. I was right.

This Day

This is a wonderful reminder from President Eyring for people like me who tend to say, I'll get to it tomorrow. I'm too busy just now.

Third Time's a Charm

Conducting the kiddos in writing thank you cards for our Christmas gifts is almost enough to drive me to drinking. If I weren't a teetotaling woman I'd be joining Seamus for the fondue left-overs. This year Jacob and Isaac hatched a plan to print out a "form letter" on the computer in order to streamline things. It would say:

"Dear _______,

Thank you for the ______. I love the way it looks on my _______. All the kids at school will be so jealous I have my very own _______...."

So I battled the form letter and told them it would probably be nicer to send a custom thank you note. Then Clara said, "If all we need to do is say that we got the present, why not just write, 'Dear ______, I got the _________. Love, Clara.'?" I told her that was called a receipt. Not really the spirit of what I was going for. However, this one squeaked by me:

Sassy girl. Needless to say, the process took WAY too long, and all my stores of patience were overdrawn. When the last period was written, I sent them to bed with dirty teeth and a kiss. Then I went over the letters. Alas, I was naive to think the job was over. Isaac, was called back downstairs to redo the note to his Primary teacher.

Try #1.

Recognize this? I realized why he and Jake had been giggling at the other end of the table.

Try #2.

I stopped him mid-sentance because my sense of humor was completely gone.

Try #3.

He was tired by then so he just did it. "Fine. Go to bed." Then so did I.

Trivia

$10,000 to the person who can guess what the world record is for the most push-ups done non-stop. (New fact I learned in my current BYU class.)

I'll give you a hint: It was a man, and it's more than 100. Also, no fair googling the answer. Answer will be posted at the end of the week.

Favorite "Entitlement Commercial"

A woman in a designer suit sits at a desk, looking haggard as she rifles through reams of papers stacked around her. We learn that they are her credit card bills when an aggressive man's voice demands, "Do you have credit card debt?" The woman nods her head and blows air out the side of her mouth. He continues, "You have the right to settle that debt for a fraction of what you owe!" She smiles and nods her head like an idiot. A large 1-800 number is stamped at the bottom of the screen, and all our dreams come true.

For real? It was so asinine I though it was a joke. Nope. Apparently it is obvious that this poor woman is a victim of circumstance who was forced into this predicament and, darn it, these folks are here to bail her out. (We've been hearing that one ad nauseam, have we not?)

My sister Miriam named this post when she saw me go berserk at the commercial and laughingly suggested that this may be her favorite "entitlement commercial" yet. Maybe I'm too touchy, but I am morally opposed to most of the commercials on TV (let alone the shows, but those I can control). I'm offended at the gigantic deficit of common sense and dignity it is assumed I have in order to consider these ads. Equally as alarming is the idea that they wouldn't use the approach if it wasn't effective! Now, the Titan Peeler, I get that. But this?

Like the one for a local attorneys office: A poor crippled toddler confined to a wheel chair is flashed onto the screen (melancholy music playing), in the background healthy children are playing on a swing set. Suddenly a corpulent filcher in pinstripes leans on his walnut desk and says, "Do you have a loved one that was born with cerebral palsy? Get compensation for the mistakes your doctor made which caused this irreversible condition... Call us now at 1-800-U R DUMB IF U FALL FOR THIS AD..." Now I know why my husband's malpractice insurance costs as much as our house. You never know when someone somewhere might lose a tooth...

Whew. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

The "S" Word

One evening *Olga asked her son *Milton if he would please arrange the books on the shelves more neatly. Milton whined as he was wont to do, saying that it was too hard and besides, the sliding doors on the shelves stick! "I'm sure you'll figure out a way to do it," she assured him. Olga liked the shelves. In fact, she had spent many a month trying to find just the right piece, size, style and color, to hold the plethora of books and was elated to find just the right one! This was it. Yes the door stuck, but a gentle push had always done the trick.

As Olga worked away busily in the next room she could hear Milton banging books around and roughly sliding doors to and fro. She called several times for him to be careful, each caution being met with grumbling from Milton, who was about to get it from Olga.

At one point, Olga heard a violent crash from the hall. She called to him, "Milton, if you break my shelves your going to have to replace them, you know!" Milton was tentative as he replied, "Well, I guess I'd better start saving then..."

Olga was out of her chair like in a flash to see exactly what he meant by that sassy return. As she examined the shelves she saw that the door had been opened with so much force it had knocked the thing completely apart--no small feat. "What? You broke them!" she said (with gusto). "Milton, I can't believe it! You broke the damn shelves!" Now, Olga was not generally one to curse, especially to her beloveds.

Milton, having read the word in the Bible and knowing it to be associated with bad things, timidly replied, "Well, I couldn't get the door to move."

"That is a stupid reason!" said Olga (with gusto). Olga, knowing she was about to strangle Milton, took her leave and marched downstairs to walk laps around their ugly couch. By this time the other 4 children who could walk, hearing the commotion, had run upstairs to see what was going on.

By and by, Olga came back upstairs where her 5 children waited with eyes the size of golf balls, knelt down and said, "Children. I need to apologize. I just said a very bad word. One we never say. ["Which one, which one!!" the little ones chirped] I'm not going to repeat it, but you older kids know which one I mean."

*Sassafras, the precocious 6-yr old daughter, solemnly clarified to all, "That's right, you guys. We never say the "S" word! Never!"

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the characters in this story.

The False Prophet

One June morning through the meadow going

Doris found a little daisy growing;

Blooming there, white and fair,

Nodding in the pleasant summer air,

"Tell me, daisy, quickly, truly tell,

If my dear one loves me well.

Will he be true till life is done?"

Then she plucked the petals one by one:

"He loves me! He loves me not!

(Alas, to be deserted is love's sorest smart!)

He loves me, he loves me not!

(Be still, be still the rapid beating of my heart!)

"He loves me, he loves me not!

(Beware oh little flow'ret, how you play your part!)

He loves me, he loves me not!

You lying little daisy, he loves me!

~John Prindle Scott

Flashback Fr...Monday

And thus began my illustrious career as multitasker (as long as one of the tasks is eating).

Elder Adam Mikkelsen
1/3/10: "...I also got hit on my bike this week when I got sandwiched between a scooter I was pulling over and a car. Took off some good skin and left a nice bruise but nothing really bad. No one fell over and I was able to set up a time to meet with both of them. Sweet!"

LUNCH by William

This little boy is a very enthusiastic lunch-maker. He makes us lunch EVERY DAY.

And, he sets the table.

And, he watches while you enjoy the meal he's made you.

And, you have to eat it. All of it.
And, you have to say thank you at the end.

Where's the Remote?

We've been having bad luck with our VCR/DVD player. A little while ago the VCR stopped working and shortly after that we lost the remote, so now DVDs are limited. Too much of a cheap skate to consider buying a new one, I thought I'd take it apart to see if there was something obvious wrong with it. My handy b-in-law Chace visiting with Rivka went and found a screw driver to get the project going. From the other room I heard him call, "Hey Anna, are you missing your remote?"Thanks, James.

Grandparents At It Again

Last year I composed a brief post on an especially cherished Christmas gift from my parents to Isaac. They outdid themselves this year. Bet you've never seen one of these before. In fact, I know you haven't because my mother made it for him.

A mink!

A pet mink!

A pet mink clip tie! It's a favorite, Grandma and Grandpa, both with Isaac, and with every child at church with two semi-functioning eyes and nerve endings in their fingertips. One little guy even called to see where Isaac had gotten it so that he could save his pennies to get one for himself. Thank you! (Your letter from Isaac will be coming soon.)

Winter Pruning

Why is it that these before and after pictures of the old girl remind me of the time I discovered wee Meggy had made it to church without her unders on? She's just so exposed!

In the bottom photo you can see that our sprinklers froze on (whatever that means). So water froze onto the sidewalk in layers each time the sprinkler ran over it until we had literally 2 solid inches of ice. The kids and I had a grand time "skating" on it until our wet blanket of a neighbor suggested we salt it immediately and post signs so nobody gets hurt, and that we might want to fix our broken sprinkler. Why didn't that occur to me? I clearly am not meant for city life...

To Do List

This was sitting on Isaac's desk the other day.Oh the days when life was so simple. Where have they gone? Will they ever come back?

(Regarding item #8: Jacob told Isaac that he stinks. Isaac asked if he should get some deodorant. Jake replied that he didn't stink like that, he stunk like he was dusty. Dusty? Granted, this is the child that came out of the shower yesterday insisting he had thoroughly washed, with a huge dry patch on one side of his head and bar soap remnants smeared on the other.)

(Another semi-applicable side note, while I'm at it: William has taken to smelling any part of himself that touches James. I watched him hit little Jimmy in a fit over a puzzle, then immediately sniff his fist before he continued his tirade. What is with these kids?!)

Oregon in Fall

What a glorious season. Michael snapped this picture during a fairly recent hike in the Umpqua wilderness only a few miles from our home. It's even better in person...

Dog, Anyone?

Have you ever heard that having a puppy is like having another child? Unless you have a Chinese Crested. Then it's more like having another teenager. Enjoy a tidbit of an email my sister Elizabeth sent:

Annie,

I couldn't resist sending this to you. I told you that I was looking at an exotic animal website. In addition to the wallabies, birds, zebu, etc., they also had some dogs, including Chinese Crested. On their site, they had this dog info to help inform potential buyers before they bought. Sure glad they did. Tell me when you want me to order one for you.

"Where the weather is dry you must keep the hairless dogs moisturized. One should bathe your dogs about every week or so during the summer, which includes a daily feet and belly rinse, and every 2 weeks during the winter. You can use a gentle oatmeal based Moisturizing Body lotion for the hairless.

"Some Cresteds, like people, are born with fair skin and some are born with better skin. Most of the Crested will go through a "teenage" period. This means that you may start to see more black heads and pimples to surface on the skin. This is normal, but some dogs will have no problem and others will have serious problems. Pimples may start around the age when their hormones are changing. With the Chinese Crested this can happen as early as 5 months of age to the age of a year old. The best secret is to keep them clean. During their acne period a nice daily wipe with a warm damp face cloth is sometimes the best remedy. If the problem persist (and it can last for a few months) or gets worst, you may try a lotion like Benzol or a gentle scrub like Noxzema. Remember to keep the skin clean. Talk to your vet and they might suggest a mild antibiotics, too."

Call me heartless, but any dog that goes through puberty and has acne breakouts on their nasty skin is a dog I don't want. But, to each his own. Tell me what you think!